'Well here we are, how are you?' I used to sing several times for no apparent reason. I guess I was just trying to impress someone. Someone special? No, just you lot. And you were en masse, completely underwhelmed. Actually, that's grossly unfair. In fact, most of you have no idea what I'm talking about. But rest assured that if you did, you would be 'meh' to the max. As nobody has ever, ever said. And they won't in future either because I've copywrited it right this minute. Yes, that's right. That's the reason.
So how have you been? Don't bother replying, I'm not interested. This is a blog about me, not you lot. I'm just being polite, y'know...like in a normal conversation where someone is desperate to tell you all about themselves.
Who, me? Oh not much. So why am I...? Oh, okay I get you. I mean there must be something interesting to impart if I'm doing this. It can't just be a subtle cry for help or anything.
Well really I just wanted to let you know that I finished the first draft of my second novel, Seething Fury, back in February. It was a much faster process than the first one but it's also a lot shorter I guess. It started off exciting, became very emotional and cathartic and then tailed off into a nondescript attempt to be clever. So I've shelved it for a few months before I come back to it again and do some fixes and rewrites in an attempt to make the whole bloody thing work.
In the meantime I'm on a break from everything except family and the day job. It feels weird. I can't recall a time where I haven't been writing, whether a book, comedy, music or lyrics. I'm sort of restless, like I want desperately to do something but I have no idea what. Or I'm just too tired to really contemplate it. I feel like reaching out and getting involved in something and then I have a sudden panic and talk myself out of it. Im supposed to be RESTING. Contemplating myself and life and all that. Telling lies to small children.
I may be having an existential time crisis, I guess. I mean, figuratively, I'm done. I'm passed by. I've done all the music I wanted to do, been as funny as I could muster and written the book I always planned to write. In between that I created life in my own image. I now have to invest that life with all my imperfect wisdom until it tells me to shut up and sells my home to pay for my residential care. It seems a long way off but boy...time is certainly much swifter these days.
So what am I supposed to do right now? Relax a bit? Let my hair down? Like it's let ME down? I don't know...I'm not very good at this stuff. I keep thinking that September isn't that far off...I should start bouncing some ideas now for the rewrite. Or maybe I could try and squeeze a few more interesting pieces of music out of nowhere? Not a clue. I know I'm failing at relaxing. The minute you make a plan on how best to relax you've essentially failed at it.
I think what I'll do is try and make up some more blog posts about possibly more interesting / less depressing stuff that you might want to hear. It's tough. I mean, you've heard it all on the internet haven't you? That technological wonderland of bullshit. It's all there now and it's shown us all up. The amount of times I've been about to post a witty response to a tweet and found 105 people have beaten me to it with something far wittier. Curse their virtual voices.
Wandering around shops is far more confusing these days as a result. I mean, nothing is right there. You have to wander around all lost, looking for it. And when you have a three year old with you that becomes a momentous task. That's why we have tons of cafes now. We all need to sit down and have a cry. Especially once we've paid for a coffee.
Anyway, sorry. So really everything is just fine. I'm just a bit bored and my mind is wandering everywhere. But I'm not dead yet. I haven't done enough to warrant a visit from a time travelling robot assassin but I'll keep at it. Once I've properly relaxed. I know, I'll plan a relaxation schedule for the next few months. That'll do the trick.
So long for now
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